Preparing for a Catholic Funeral Make your funeral wishes known before your family is grieving

By The Herald Staff

COLORADO SPRINGS. It’s hardly news that planning for death — or, more precisely, for what happens after it — may be the least popular to-do list item ever.

Yet consider the alternative: if a person dies without putting their wishes down on paper, they leave the funeral planning in the hands of grief-stricken family members who may or may not practice the Catholic faith. Increasingly, the Catholic Church is encouraging parents to spare their kids the anxiety of working through funeral details.

“I’ve had families, when a loved one has passed away, that when they get together, it’s like pinball,” said Deacon Rudy Gonzales, who currently serves at St. Patrick Parish. “A wants this, B wants that, C wants that, D wants that. And so when I have the funeral pre-plan in place, I take that entire process out, and I say, ‘This is what mom and dad wanted.’”

“People are much more aware of the concept of planning, whatever it is they’re planning. From a Church standpoint, it’s only appropriate that we provide the guidance on what the Church teaches on death and burial,” said Deacon Pete McCann of Holy Trinity Parish, whose job includes helping parishioners pre-plan their funerals.

Usually, it takes a crisis to move someone to confront the task, said Deacon Doug Flinn, Chancellor and General Counsel for the Diocese of Colorado Springs. Deacon Flinn is an attorney who has given presentations on end-of-life legal issues to many groups of doctors, lawyers and parishioners.

“When lay people start thinking about this, usually it’s because they are in hospice, or they’re in the last six months of life,” he said. “That’s when sometimes they’ll reach out to a pastor, or reach out to a parish and say, ‘Who can I talk to about what my wishes are going to be?’”

A good place to start is the funeral planning form found on the diocesan website at diocsgiftlegacy.diocs.org. The nine-page form allows a person to designate the celebrant, readings, hymns and other details of their funeral Mass in advance, as well as their choice of funeral home and burial location.

A person who has already enlisted a funeral home, who already knows if they want a vigil, who knows what Scripture reading they want proclaimed at their service and who will read it, and a few additional details, could fill it out in 10 minutes. After all, the elements of a Catholic funeral have been in place for centuries.

“Most people, when they get down to doing it, they get done in a day or day and a half,” said Deacon McCann.

But for adult children or extended family who are not practicing Catholics, hearing someone talk about the Church’s funeral rites can sound like a foreign language, and that’s when priests and deacons are required to provide some basic catechesis.

“All Catholics have a canonical right to a Catholic funeral Mass,” Deacon Flinn said. “Sometimes, explaining that to non-Catholics (is difficult); they’ll ask, ‘What do you mean they have a right?’ Well, being baptized a Catholic, you get a number of rights in addition to the sacraments; one of those is a right to a Catholic funeral Mass.”

“Sometimes there’s one person, or one family, that is Catholic, but the rest of the extended family is not, is of a different denomination, or is of no denomination,” Deacon Flinn said. “And so, there’s education and there’s pastoral care that has to happen there: ‘Why aren’t you going to let Uncle Joe get up and talk at the Mass?’ Well, because the Mass isn’t set up to have Uncle Joe go talk.”

The Catholic ritual of farewell — formally The Order of Christian Funerals — is three parts: the vigil, the funeral Mass, and committal. The church has preferences for each part, but also makes provisions to adjust to circumstances when necessary or appropriate. This is where consulting with a deacon or lay planner with funeral expertise is especially valuable.

The Church prefers the vigil to be held on the evening prior to the funeral Mass. It isn’t always possible, so a vigil might be held directly before. It can be held at the church or at the funeral home, and the rites are slightly different for each. Often, a rosary is said, though it is not part of the rite proper. And the vigil, not the Mass, is the proper place for family members to share remembrances.

“When one of its members dies, the Church encourages the celebration of the Mass,” states The Order of Christian Funerals. But there may be practical reasons why Mass can’t be celebrated, or pastoral reasons why it shouldn’t. For those occasions, the Church provides the Funeral Liturgy outside Mass, which may be held at the church or funeral home.

Cremation is permitted, and frequently chosen; the funeral planners association says it recently has become more prevalent than burial. But the Church does not encourage it. The Catholic funeral rites assume the presence of a body, because “the presence of the human body better expresses the values which the Church affirms in those rites,” according to the Order of Christian Funerals.

Cremation frequently is the major topic in funeral planning.

“We talk about the theology of death,” Deacon McCann said. “The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; that’s why we ask the body be present at Mass.”

The conclusion of the funeral rites — known as the committal — occurs at the gravesite, mausoleum, or at sea as soon after the funeral liturgy as possible. The Church allows remains to be placed in the ground, sea or tomb only. She forbids scattering of ashes, placing ashes in pieces of jewelry, or placing them on a mantlepiece in the living room.

In recent years, some states have passed laws legalizing “human composting” — where bodies are placed in the ground and turned into soil, but the Catholic Church has spoken out against this practice because it does not respect human dignity.

 Though the committal rite is the shortest, there is still planning to be done: the final commendation may be said during committal instead of at the funeral Mass, for example. The plan might include music or eulogies.

At some point during all of this planning, the focus shifts to practical matters. What kind of casket? Which cemetery? Is embalming necessary? And what will it cost? That’s when church funeral planners turn to the funeral director.

It’s the very first item on Deacon Gonzales’ pre-planning checklist: Who is your funeral director? Because when a family calls with the news, the deacon’s first call is to the funeral home to put the plans in motion.

 With that question answered, the funeral director will load the plan with a host of basic information: a copy of the birth certificate, Social Security Number, and other vitals. Thus equipped, the funeral home can obtain a death certificate, notify the Social Security Administration, and secure, if needed, the permits necessary to transport the body across state lines. If the deceased was a veteran, the funeral director also will need Form DD124, the military’s official record of service and the key to arranging for burial at a military cemetery and for military honors.

Questions that come up can include: Will the vigil be at the church, or the funeral home? If it’s at the church, will the body remain there overnight? If so, what’s the security? If not, what’s the cost to transport the body back to the funeral home?

Planning on a viewing? Then the funeral home might recommend embalming. That, too, is a budget consideration. The median cost of an adult funeral with viewing and burial was about $8,300 in 2023, according to the National Funeral Directors Association; embalming was 8 percent of that total.

For those who survive a loved one, a funeral plan’s chief value is the clarity it provides. And with that clarity comes a capacity to do what should be natural when a loved one dies: grieve.

“Then the ministerial piece can turn to ‘What do you need?’” Deacon Flinn said. “‘You guys have done a great job planning this, so you’ve saved hours and hours of discussion and explanation and catechesis. So what can we — we the local parish, we the deacons, we the priests — do to help you?’”

In the midst of all the practical details that have to be worked out when a family member dies, it’s easy to forget that the most important task is to pray for their soul. The month of November is traditionally the time when the Catholic Church prays especially for those who have died, starting with the twin feasts of All Saints Day and All Souls Day on Nov. 1 and Nov. 2. One can also obtain a plenary indulgence by visiting a cemetery during the first eight days of November.

But Catholics are encouraged to pray for those who have died all year long. In addition to the usual practice of having Masses said at one’s parish for those who have died, some men’s religious orders offer the option of a Gregorian Mass series, which is a series of Masses offered over 30 consecutive days exclusively for a deceased person. According to the website of the Discalced Carmelite Fathers of Munster, Indiana, (carmelitefathers.com/gregorian-masses/), the practice of offering Gregorian Masses was started by Pope St. Gregory the Great, who was abbot of a monastery prior to being elected pope, because he feared that one of the deceased monks would have to spend a long time in purgatory. 

Due to extra scheduling and planning involved in arranging a Gregorian Mass series, there is usually a cost involved. The Carmelite Fathers of Munster will offer Gregorian Masses for a suggested donation is $400. The Franciscan Missions based in Waterford, Wisconsin (https://franciscanmissions.org/catholic-mass-intentions/) will arrange to have Franciscan friars say 30 consecutive Masses for a departed loved one for a cost of $300.